Missing Veda!

Missing Veda!

I never knew that missing you, Veda, would be so pervasive within me.  Sometimes it is painful.  You might think I am missing you because you are not here with me.  It is not that I just miss you after your going away from home as a young adult for further education, I now miss your very being.

Veda, I miss the way you looked at me the first time, those almond eyes, that is impressed in my heart but I miss that moment because that is the moment when you became mine and I guard that moment as a precious star.

I miss the way you would fit into my arms, the way I could take you in my arms and hold you to me and hug you as and when I wanted.  What I miss is the love that flows from you to me when we hug.

There were times when you would wake up night for milk and I miss humming to you and cradling you in my arms, into my neck to burp and snuggle you.  I miss the feel of you on my shoulder and the crook of my neck.  I miss the heavenly fragrance of you mixed with the smell of milk.

Nights when I would sing for you with my limited knowledge of songs, the small bhajans, kirtanams and some of the songs praising India.  I feel elated by the thought that you remember those songs.  I miss singing to you and seeing your eyes droop and close, heavy with sleep.

That little school, The Windows, where you went without a fuss, where you enjoyed a couple of delightful years under the loving care of the Principal and the teachers.  I miss seeing you off in that little van even though my heart was in my mouth each day that I sent you off. I miss your little hug and smile when I came back home from work everyday.

The days you would be unwell, taking you to the doctor and the worry those I do not miss.  What do miss most is the patience and grown up way you would have your medicines.  I miss the days when as a toddler, you would ask for “Pedia 3” syrup when you felt unwell.

I miss the times when I would give you a bath and how you would narrate the day’s incidents to me.  You would tell me about your friends, your teachers, your school and your playtime.  I miss hearing that voice of yours.

Veda I miss walking you to the bus stop, it had become a habit, so much so that I would hate the days when you would go early for football practice and I felt I was missing something.  Now I know that it is that 5 minute walk till the bus stop and the time with you that I miss so dearly.

Your passion for sports and your participating in them.  I miss your explanations to us about how you scored a goal, how you swam past someone else, or even how you lost.  I miss those stories we heard from you so often.

I miss your dance classes and watching you dance, like there was no better dancer, no one with that much grace and no one who could be that disciplined, I miss those, dear Veda.

Greenwood High and the teachers and the Principal, I miss attending the PTMs when you would insist that we meet everyone and not miss any teacher.  I miss the excitement of sports day, the dance annual day programs.  I miss cheering for you and I miss the way my heart swelled with pride every time I saw on the field, the stage, or when the teachers at the end would always say “she is such a wonderful child”.

I loved the way you wanted to be in the field of sports, the determination that you would get what you want.  I miss the way you would explain to us what you wanted and made sure you worked towards it.

All those boys and girls who are your friends and who cherish you, your inclusivity, your compassion and your generosity, I miss them.  I miss them coming home, asking for you, I miss them screaming and shouting and I miss the shining face that you had when you are with them.

I even miss your tempers and I miss your ranting and raving when we said no at times to what you wanted to do.

All in all, Veda, what can I say?  I miss you everyday!!