A bitter sweet 2017, that too has passed…and a Happy New Year

2017 was rather eventful for me.  We rang in 2017 as we have been doing, around a bon fire, with neighbours and friends and home made sangria and pot luck.  It started on a good note with my mother recovering well from a heart surgery done in late 2016. In January, my little heart, Veda, turned eighteen and it was a momentous moment for us.  Where did all the years go?  It was just yesterday that she was a baby, a toddler going to school, the years when she hated boys and then started loving them.  Somewhere during that time, my husband and I hit middle age, well, slightly more than middle age!!  The very same month, as my daughter turned 18, we had a new arrival in the family.  On January 19th, we all welcomed little Arihant into our world, a little brother to the 3 year old Advay and Avyukt.  There was a feeling of newness, belief in life and happiness of holding a baby in my arms.  January was also the month that the company that I so loved working with, because of the excellent leadership and employees, a company that I nurtured from its inception, shut down.  It was a flurry of emotions, working to let go of my colleagues and finally working to let myself go.  It was a painful and difficult period, supporting and giving courage to colleagues as they lost their jobs and keeping at bay the insecurity of losing my job.

February and March were focussed on the last days of school for Veda and it seemed to me that I would miss her school too, the PTMs, the Sports days, the Annual days.  It was a big change in my life, somethings I had got used to over 12 years were just not to be anymore. I was sad, I was nervous  about Veda leaving home, even though I was excited about what the future held for her.  It was also months that meant a lot of waiting for confirmation of admission to the school of her dreams, a lot of work for the visa.

April and May were hectic with Veda’s exams, my husband’s role changes and well, that came rather suddenly.  Plans changed, plans were made, they were to be very very different from what we planned for.  What gave us a relief was my sister, her husband and the 3 lovely boys coming home to us for their summer vacation.  There was laughter and there was chaos but it was like a balm for us.  Playing with the children, laughing with them took my mind away from the fact that Veda would soon leave home.

In June the plans took shape, we know more definitely what was to happen.  My mother would have to move from Bangalore to be with my sister,  life changing for her and for us.  The same month we left for Melbourne to settle Veda there.  Before we came back in July, my sister and her little family left for Delhi and the house was suddenly more empty.  In another 5 days my husband left for Boston and I felt empty, with my daughter in Melbourne, my husband in Boston and I in Bangalore.  My mother and I made a 10 day trip to Kerala, 5 days in our hometown in Guruvayur and 5 days with my aunts and cousin in Kochi.  It was very healing because I spent time in my home, a place where my spirit soars free and I am free from worry, anxiety, depression because I belong there.  Happy 5 days in Kochi where my cousin and I spent some carefree days renewing our bond, sharing our thoughts and fears and happiness. It was also time spent with my mother as we travelled from Bangalore to Kerala and back in a train, which was something we had not done in years.  The end of July brought me anxious moments and days when Veda had a concussion on her head which she got when she was playing football.  She complained of headache and blurred vision even after the doctor cleared her.  I was debating whether I should go to Melbourne to be with her when I receive a call from my husband saying that he was unwell and needed immediate medical attention.  There is always a silver lining and this time it was my cousin Ani who rushed to be with my husband and take care of him.

I was in Boston from August through till September end, sometimes happy, sometimes nervous.  I myself had to go through some anxious days as I dealt with my own health issues while in Boston.  I took comfort in the doctors and the nurses who cared for me there.  Meanwhile I also took care of a friend’s father who was unwell while in Boston.  We built a rapport and camaraderie as we wwatched TV shows and movies together.

October saw me back in India and packing my mother’s belongings as we went to Delhi.  In the rush of doing things I was numb.  While in Delhi, in the process of selling a home and buying a home, I dealt with paperwork at the bank, the government offices which were rather improved and I felt proud of the improvements in the process.  However they did tire me out.  Good things come in the form of good friends Veera and Vishwajit, who connected me to their friend to help me with the paperwork and the home and he stood by me through it all.  I did not want to trouble my sister and brother in law and tried to do it all by myself and reached a hard stop in November.  Early November, happiness was when Veda returned home for her summer break.

November and part of December, Veda, my mother and I were in Bangalore and spent some lazy days at home, walking with friends, visiting Nandanachechi, meeting some ex-colleagues from work.  Meanwhile Rakhi and I came up with the thought of restarting our company and that was exciting.  We are now in the process of closing all formalities.  Cheers to Aadhara HR Solutions!  Rising like phoenix.  My dear sister, who prepared for her husband’s 40th birthday party for 1 whole year, finally experienced the party.  Total surprise, Abhi was completely surprised at the extent of the party, the friends  and well wishers who attended and the details that were covered by my sister dear.  She pulled a great one, proud of you, Deepti.  After that she and Abhi are now all set to move my mother to her new home, close to their home.  I feel empty, I feel guilty, I feel alone as I leave my mother for the first time in my life, 52 years on.   I also learnt the lesson of taking help from others, taught by Deepti, and thank you for the same.  On the positive, I am closer to my sister in law and nephew, I talk to them regularly and we are writing a whole new book for ourselves in our lives.  Look forward to the chapters in our story together.

Now we are bidding goodbye to 2017, another bit of health trouble but all cleared after a couple of days, nursing a cold, Veda and I, moments with Veda’s friends, her friends’ families, walking with my friends, grabbing a few experiences with loved ones here before we venture into 2018.

2018 sure is going to be a whole new chapter in our lives, my sister will have my mother with her, I move to a new country.  I will walk into the new year full of hope, belief in myself, my abilities, thinking positive.  I am sure as the year unfolds there will be new drama in life but then that is why life is beautiful!  Wishing everyone a very happy New Year!!